Waiting Games

 

It has been clear to me for quite some time that I am becoming less than I could be, and I need to get an oar back in the water of words.  All self-realization comes with a little prompting and help from others, but to take form and have meaning it must be sought after by oneself.  After battling against my better self for years, I finally started seeking out inspiration and guidance to uncover the reason for this deep and mysterious urge I have to begin writing.  First at a cozy, boutique writing conference called WRITE Doe Bay on Orcas Island, and then during bi-weekly author’s group meetings, and most recently at the Chuckanut Writer's Conference at Whatcom Community College in Bellingham.  I am working on a novel based loosely on the life experiences of my great-grandparents, and I traveled to this latest conference to learn all the best published secrets on fiction writing that could possibly be packed into one long weekend. 

With my breakout session itinerary in hand,  I penciled in exactly which authors I was going to go listen to and which ones I was going to pass up each day.  Brian Doyle was on my “pass up” list.  Not because his bio in the program wasn’t intriguing.  It was.  It was just that I had never heard of him, and he didn’t seem like the kind of guy who was going to talk about the tips and tricks of writing the next great American historical fiction novel.  I planned to grab a late lunch and maybe take a prolonged coffee break while his session was happening.  Fortunately, the cafeteria ended up being closed for lunch by the time I got there, and they were out of hot coffee.  It was a sign.  I trudged back over to the auditorium and took a seat just as he was starting his talk.  I was meant to be there.  Hearing him was great medicine that came exactly when I needed it. 

            I learned that Brian Doyle is the editor of Portland Magazine, and he’s a prolific writer with many published books to his credit.  In addition to being an author and editor, he’s a roller-coaster ride, a work of art, a stand-up comedian, a heart-breaking realist and a metaphorical physician.  His words provoke, motivate and heal. 

The longer he told stories of everyday heroes and punching his brother in the face and his deep regret over shaking his 10-year-old son to the point of having him fear him, the more I realized I was in the presence of someone really powerful.  His writing is grounded in his faith, and it was apparent that he wasn’t there for the speaker’s fee, or fame.  He also came right out and told us that he wasn’t there to help us improve our writing skills either. Just like the mysterious little grinning frog on the cover of his book entitled Grace Notes, it wasn’t immediately apparent what his purpose was for being there.  What had he come to do?

  He was on a secret mission I think, and had a great message to share with us.  It was probably the most important message I have heard about writing.  I am stepping onto the path of writing with intention because of his words.  They went more or less something like this.  I would have liked to remember it all, but I couldn’t type as fast as he could talk.  He said:

"You are the ‘seanchai’; do you know what that means?  It is the Irish word for storyteller.  You were given a great, strange, painful gift and you have to use it every day.  Your job is to do this.  You don’t have to even think you’re good at it.  Your job is not to always write about yourself.  Realize slowly and painfully that it is your job to go around and listen and watch others. 

Who are you but the stories that you carry?  You are the seanchai in the Irish tradition.  You are the catcher of stories.  You are a catcher of stories and don't take it for granted.  It is hard to get published, but do it anyway. 

'Violence is a failure of the imagination' said the late poet William Stafford.  Your job is to use stories as weapons against the dark.  You didn't choose this did you?  It chose you.  We as human beings have one tool in our arsenal...our imaginations.  Catch and share stories that the world will remember."

I came home to reevaluate.  I have been selling myself short.  It has been years since I've posted anything on my blog.  So long that it isn't even really a blog anymore.  It is a collection place for some old published pictures and captions, and some articles and pieces of writing that never got out of the draft phase and never saw daylight.  Fat chance of those stories being ‘used as weapons against the dark’!   

What happened?  Life I suppose.  Life was, and is happening, and I have been letting the time go by and I have been playing waiting games with myself, putting it off, and waiting for the muse to come and show me the best time to begin.  This is common I hear, with writers.  They wait for inspiration to begin writing.  This must be why every book you read, or workshop you attend on art or writing informs you that you have to begin in order to be inspired, not the other way around.  The muse doesn’t show up for those who wait.  She shows up for those who begin. 

And on this day, in this auditorium with Brian Doyle and a few hundred other story catchers, I am broken by one man’s stories.  The roller coaster ride ends and I get off with my legs shaking and my soul stirring.  I have been broken before by a few other artists, but like a stubborn horse, I see that I will need a few breakings.  

I leave this time to start writing stories.  The waiting games are over, and the work begins.  Life will happen, but I’m determined not to let it sweep me along.  I intend to have an oar in the water and to steer the words.  I know if I do, the muse will steer the boat.

  I do believe I have a 'great, strange and painful gift' and I am called to use it.  I promise myself that writing, and breaking, and writing again will be part of my life from this day forward.

 

 

Author Connection: Link to Brian Doyle's article in which he mentions William Stafford -  http://www.smokebox.net/archives/word/doyleimagination403.html